The Adventures of Jesus and Mario part 1
by Ranma Hiritori
Summary: jesus is about to be crucified and mario plans to stop it! read on to find out if hes succesful


**LoL I thought this would be pretty funny!**

**The adventures of Jesus and Mario **

**Part 1 **

**The crucifixion**

It was cold out and Jesus was freezing his ass off waiting. He began to wonder if the team would come to help him get out of his predicament. They had been talking for some time for Jesus knew he would be betrayed. Even though he knew he should let gods will be done he still didn't want to die. All at once they appeared out of the trees, the Jewish guards of course. Help would not be coming, was the only thing running through his mind.

Brutally they led him away from the garden and towards the city in which Jesus was trying to flee. He knew he shouldn't struggle or say anything to endanger his well being. Little did he know the team was on their way.

Mario crept along the wall to the court house in which Jesus was being tried. He could hear bits and pieces of supposed witness's stories as he quickly muttered "bullshit" under his breath with his strong Italian accent.

It was his job to get together a team to save Jesus from the Jews and Romans but his original plan of extracting Jesus before they got him was going down the drain. Now he would have to figure out what they would do to him and then where they would take him.

It was early in the morning as the Romans threw a giant log across Jesus' back. He had been tortured for most of the night and he could barely stand. Once the fricken thing was tied down to him a sudden shiver of pain racked his entire body. They then led him to a hill outside the city to be killed. He thought about his entire life in the 3 hrs it took him to get to the hill. He hoped that in the future some Jew hater would make a graphic 3hr long movie about him.

Mario was able to blend in to the crowd following Jesus. He now knew they were taking him to one of the random hills outside the city. He then quickly radioed back to the team what the plan was in a code so secret and so silent even I don't know what it is!

"Oh mama mia! What to do now? Theys gonna kill poor Jesus," Mario exclaimed to himself as he closely clung to the crowd following Jesus.

Once on the top of the hill Jesus knew what they would do, nail his hands and feet to a wooden letter T. the thought made him shiver but there was nothing he could do about it now. He began to tremble after the guards so cold heartedly threw him on the T. Then the guard with the nails came walking around the other convicts as if he were walking in slow motion against the fast motioned background. He put a nail over Jesus' right hand and positioned the hammer as if about to strike when a thick Italian accent screamed "STOP!" everybody looked up to see Mario standing in front of his team which at this point includes peach, luigi, bowser, and other characters holding sub-machine guns, chains, and clubs.

Mario said something in his code which obviously meant "get them" because all at once the characters charged at the Jews and Romans in a battle of epic proportions. Mario then ran up to Jesus and helped him to a Mario cart in which they drove in the opposite direction of the city and battle.

Once stopped they began the first real dialogue of this story.

"I thank thee for your so very late rescue, and that you performed well at that. I congratulate you and your men and one female."

"Oh for it was nothing Jesus, we would make a great team together, you and me" Mario stated in his oh so racist accent.

Then the heavens began to cry out as a great thundering voice began "Mario, Jesus, you both have gone against the fate I have set before you! You should be punished for your actions, but I will give you a chance to redeem yourself! Find the seven holy shrooms of god, which are scattered across the world! Do this and you shall experience the true wonders of the earth, and infinite girlfriends."

"We except!" In unison they said as they both did an overdramatic jump and freezed in mid air.

To be continued...


End file.
